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You're jealous, you just cant stand to see me get along without you
Written at 10:51 p.m. on Thursday, Mar. 13, 2003

I was so happy to get off work tonight. I dont know why, but there is an aura of agressiveness in that place.

I hate getting up in the morning and going there. I can spend an hour trying to psych myself up about going in there, but they can manage to rape me of any good mood within minutes.

I came home tonight and stayed home for a little while. Its Thursday and I had to get my shot from "MsMoHoney". While "MrBigDaddy" and I were watching tv I got a call from "MrLightening". I didnt answer it, but I know he could tell who it was. It sparked a little debate, "I dont know why you dont just answer it and tell him not to call you. Unless, you still have feelings for him".

I dont have any feelings left for him. That was a dysfunctional relationship at its sickest. He was too possessive and controling. Besides, I am happy right where I am at the moment.

So I went over to my neighbors' house for a while. Some other people from "Cheers" were there. I managed to get a cd from him of him singing. I am listening to it now and its really good. He has an amazing voice. I could just listen to it for hours.

On the walk back, I decided I would call "MrLightening". He was acting really strange when I called. He kept asking me what I was doing and where I was walking to. Finally, I said that I had to go and he said he would call me tomorrow. I said, "That's ok, please dont". And he hung up.

About ten minutes later, he called back...

Yeah, I dont think we should go any further. We shouldnt persue this anymore.

Are you kidding me? I was the one who told you that I only wanted to be your friend.

I am seeing someone anyway.

Good, I am really happy for you. I am seeing someone too. I live with someone, so there is no taking this any further.

And we just left it at that.

I dont have one relationship that's ever ended with us not being friends. I can run into any ex and we would be friendly. But with him, I always knew that it wouldnt be that way. Because what it is, is he needs to be the one calling all the shots. And I am just not as submissive as I once was.

I have learned that people will only take as much as you allow them to take. And I just dont let people take anymore. I have become stronger than I thought I could be. And he will always be the weak one. He will always be the one with the insecurities that make him hurt other people to make himself feel better.

And I just dont have time for that.