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Oops upside your head, baby, oops upside your head
Written at 9:05 a.m. on Thursday, Jan. 30, 2003

I couldnt fall asleep last night. It was close to 3 am and I was still awake. All I could do was lay there looking at him and begging him in my head to let me go.

I was frustrated last night on so many levels. This morning hasnt come with much relief either.

If I had to sit there last night and listen to one more story from "MrBidDaddy" about an ex, I swear I was going to kick him in the head. It got exhausting after a couple of hours.

Back in high school, I had a boyfriend that would get so angry at mention of an ex or a male friend. I have always carried it with me and made a conscious effort to not do that. Now I see why it was so irritating to him. I was ready to scream last night.

The other thing that was frustrating is the whole living sutuation at my house. I have mentioned several times that my roommate has her 13 yr old brother living with us. I am sorry that she is in a bad situation right now. I wish things could be better for her, but...I cant keep shelling out $375 on our utilities and then have her tell me, "I will give you $40 for utilities when I get paid". That $40 barely covers her phone bill alone.

It brings me back to my theory...people think "I will give Tracey what I can and let her figure out the rest". Because she knows I am not going to let our electricity get turned off...which means I am forced to pay what she cant.

Then this morning "MrLightening" called me asking why I havent called him. Is something wrong with his phone? Does it not dial out anymore? He told me about how he found his book of poetry that he wrote. I told him someday I would like to read it. He read one of them to me...that there sparked a 20 min long poetry reading. I am at work. I told him that they are very nice poems and I had to go.

I know that was probably wrong for me to do, but A) I am at work and B) I am at work. He was so full of pride as he was reading them, it was cute.

The only good thing I foresee happening today is the return of my Lucy (my car). She is finally done. I am leaving work early and meeting "MrBigDaddy" at the rental car place and he is taking me over to the auto body shop.

Now that my car is back, I am seriously considering taking a weekend and going away somewhere...all alone, not telling anyone where I am going and without the cell phone. Ahhhh...sounds lovely.