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show me a smile then, dont be unhappy, cant remember when I last a saw you laughing
Written at 6:08 p.m. on Thursday, Mar. 20, 2003

I am so glad that this day is over and I am home. Its felt even longer than a normal day even though I went in two hours later.

On my way home tonight I was driving my normal way home and came across a lady sitting in her car in the third lane. Not only was she stopped in the third lane during 5:00 busy traffic, but her car was facing oncoming traffic. She seemed to be upset and slumped over with her hands over her face. She was crying.

I noticed an ambulance behind me that I thought was there for her. But the ambulance just kept going. I felt so badly for her. I wanted to stop and make sure she was okay. She looked so sad. But with all of the traffic already merging over to get out of her lane, I couldnt get over to stop. So I decided to call 911.

At first I felt like an idiot for calling. I didnt want to sound like one of those people that assumes something is wrong when there really isnt. But then I started thinking that there's nothing right about her car facing oncoming traffic. And I would have felt bad if later on I turned on the news and there she was and something bad had happened to her because no one stopped or called the police. So I called.

After being passed to three different people who asked me the same thing each time, they told me they would send someone out to check on her. I wonder what happened. How she ended up like that. And she just looked so upset sitting there in her car. I hope everything works out alright for her.

And then I come home and tell him about it...and he makes me feel like complete shit for it. You tied up a 911 line for that? Some stupid lady that is probably senile and cant find her way. Why worry about someone you dont know, its a waste of energy.

God, I just get so mad at him sometimes. We started talking about our upcoming living situation. He thinks we've talked about it before. I think we started but we got into an argument and I walked away. It was never finished and nothing got resolved. And I dont like where this could be all.

And I can tell you what will happen, because he's done it before. We will live together and everything will go great for a while. And he has "his room" and I have mine and although he says that we will still sleep together, little by little we wont. And then one day he will tell me that he wants to be friends and see other people. Then I am stuck living with someone that I care immensely about, in a room alone, while he is doing whatever he wants.

All of the sudden...I have become that woman in the car. Sad.