I feel like I am sitting at the dinner table in front of a full plate while Grandma is constantly putting more food on it. I wish someone would realize that I have been full for a while now...I'm stuffed.
Another 24 hours of turmoil. I dont know why it happens. I keep waiting for my stand-in to come along so someone else can be Tracey for a while. That role is exhausting.
Last night, I was laying down watching tv (about 12:30-ish) and I heard this pounding on my front door. I grabbed my phone and walked towards it. They banged again. I open the door to find three Orange County Sheriffs standing on my door step.
My first thought was they were here about that ticket that I got a while back and didnt appear for the court date. But no, they werent here for me. They wanted my roommates little brother. It seems that he made some comments to some of his friends that got them worried about him, so they contacted the police.
So I found it a little hard to sleep after that. I really feel badly about the whole situation. I feel even worse about the conversation I had with "MsMoHoney" about it all yesterday.
This morning when I woke up, I called my doctor's office to see if he could fit me in sometime today. Thankfully, he could.
Well, the good news is that the lump on my leg will go away on its own, but he gave me some medication for it anyway. Bad news is, I may be getting Shingles.
After he looked at my leg, he asked how I was doing and if there was anything else bothering me. I feel like a hypochondriac pointing out every little ache and pain to him, but for some reason I had to point out this tiny little bump on my back. Its accompanied by a pain over my back and my clothes feel funny against my skin.
He basically just told me not to worry about it because he wasnt sure exactly what it was (because I had been scratching all morning), but he wants me to keep an eye on it. And he told me to stay away from people undergoing chemotherapy. I am hoping its just a little skin rash or a bite or something.
I came home just wanting to sleep. I am mentally worn down. And physically worn down is a close second. I just cant take anymore. I cant deal with one more thing. I took a long, hot shower to wash this day off of me. I just stood there, tears rolling down my face, saying to myself, "You've gotta pull through this, Tracey. You just have to". But I want to give up so badly.
And I'm sure "MrBigDaddy" thinks I am a hypochondriac. He always tells me the same thing, "It isnt that, you will be fine". A while back when I told him I was getting an MRI done and was scared that it was going to tell me I had Multiple Sclerosis, he just told me that it wasnt. Well, you know what...it was. And I know he's just trying to be supportive, but I hate when people just tell you "Its gonna be okay". Because you know, it isnt always okay. Things dont always come out roses.
I guess all I can do is just wait and see what happens.