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I wanna touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes
Written at 9:05 a.m. on Monday, Feb. 03, 2003

I dont even know where to start here. I either did something very stupid or I got the answer to my question. I am not sure which though.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and went to see "MrLightening". The minute I got out of the car, he engulfed me. He gave me a hug and wouldnt let go. He would have inhaled me if he could have.

Let me make this first disclaimer. Nothing happened between us as I am still very highly aware that I have a boyfriend.

So, on with my story. For the first part, all we did was sit on the sofa watching the hockey All-stars game with his roommate. Then I got seriously bored. When I told him that I wanted to leave, he got so sad. He suggested watching a movie in his room, so I stayed.

We really didnt watch much of the movie. (Again, nothing happened) Instead we layed on his bed talking. It was a great conversation. I saw a whole other side of him yesterday that I had never seen before.

Like, I never knew how artistic he is. He has his walls covered in all kinds of things that he created. When I complimented him on it, his face just lit up. And I mean, they are great pieces of work. He is very talented. But noone has ever complimented him on it.

One of the things that I coplimented him on was this waterfall painting. Its beautiful. He wanted to give it to me, but I didnt feel right accepting it. So he said that he would make something especially for me.

Then we got to talking about "us". He told me that no matter what comes out of this, he will always be there for me. He will always take care of me no matter what. And I believe him.

As he hugged me, he whispered in my ear "Marry me". I didnt respond to it. Or should I say, I didnt know how to respond to it. What was I supposed to say? Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words.

And it's times like this were I get the most confused. Because I have two people that care for me alot and my indecisiveness isnt fair to either one of them, but making a choice is going to hurt someone.

Then I went and read my horoscope and I had to come back and add it (oh, the irony...): A possible soulmate is not pleased with the distance between you two. It's time to make a concerned effort to go visit this person before the distance becomes permanent.