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Baby, I'm amazed by you...
Written at 9:35 p.m. on Sunday, Mar. 02, 2003

EEK! Today was just filled with turbulance.

First, I woke up and totally freaked out when I saw "MsMoHoney"'s cat using "MrBigdaddy"'s leather chair as a cat scratching post. I feel really badly about freaking out so much about it. It was more like everything had been pent up for so long that today I just let it all go.

When "MsMoHoney" came home we kinda had a talk about it. I only say kinda because I felt like we didnt get anywhere on it. We talked about a million different things. I feel really bad about her situation, believe me I do. I just get a little frustrated by certain things. Apparently I am more anal retentive than I thought.

So while "MrBigDaddy" went over to visit his mother, I decided to take a bubble bath. That's when I realized something was not right. I found a lump on my leg and a big red spot where the nurse at my doctor's office had given me my shot. That was just another thing I freaked out about today.

I called "Ms2inchman" who thankfully was out with her mother, who happens to be a nurse. I described it to her and she asked me a few things. She thinks its an abcess from the shot and recommended I go see my doctor tomorrow.

I just wanted to crawl inside myself at this point. I am so sick and tired of being so damn sick and tired. I can barely feel my legs, except for this lump which hurts. I am waiting for this relapse to hurry up and be over and done with. Godspeed.

So I thought I would give my aunt/boss a call to let her know I may be in a little late tomorrow. When I called, she wasnt home so I left a message. She called back a few hours later and when I answered she coldly said, "You rang". I felt like saying, "Yes bitch and when you want to stop pretending to be Lurch, I would like to talk to you". She didnt seem too interested or worried when I told her. She just basically said that she would see me whenever I get in tomorrow.

I look and feel like a trainwreck and I am not even slightly kidding there. My eyes are red and swollen and I just want to go to bed.

When "MrBigDaddy" finally came home, I talked to him about everything for a little while. I always feel like I am dumping on him, just unloading all of my problems on him.

He walked in and put this big bag on the bed. It was a gift bag with tissue paper everywhere. It was beautiful. And he looked so proud. I asked him what this was for and he said "just because". I opened the card first. It said: As God is watching over you, He sees each and every thoughtful thing you do (open card)...So He knows you're so very special-and believe me, I do, too!

When I opened the bag, I was shocked to find a pretty wall clock. He said it was because I am always asking what time it is when we are in the living room. And because he thought it would make it feel more "homie" out there.

I just wanted to cry. Everyday he does something new that just amazes me. And I am becomimg a little more patient with him and trying to be as understanding as I can. Today we were watching a movie and he had layed down and put his head on my lap. A few minutes later, I looked down and he was asleep. That didnt surprise me. But this time I didnt get upset. Instead I just sat there and just watched him sleep. And it was beautiful.

And its days like yesterday and today that make me so glad that I didnt give up.