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I miss you like crazy, I miss you baby...
Written at 9:59 p.m. on Saturday, Feb. 22, 2003

My volcano erupted tonight...and I think I am going to be sick.

I had a little argument with "MrBigDaddy" before he left for work tonight. I hate to say argument because it was more like me yelling and him standing there quietly. We almost never argue. It was kind of like all that I have been feeling lately just filled up into a container way too small and tonight it just overflowed.

He made mention in a conversation "if" he takes this job. I flipped out. IF! I didnt think taking this job was an option and now he says "if" he takes it.

I tried to explain to him that I go to bed every night...alone. I already have a roommate...I need a boyfriend. That we never go anywhere anymore. And I hate this. I cant just come from home from work and say "Let's go see a movie", because I have a boyfriend that in three hours is going to be leaving to go to work.

And I am aware that he needs this job right now. That he is working to save up money. That he needs to have this job to feel like a man. But I miss him. I miss us! I miss spending time with him because when he is here, it doesnt feel like he is here, because he's asleep.

I guess my image of what we should be is just another pretty picture that I have conjured up in my head that isnt going to happen.