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This taste of heaven, so deep, so true...I've found in you
Written at 10:33 p.m. on Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003

I am not sure where to start at on my weekend. It had its up's and down's. And just like every other weekend, it leaves me feeling lonely and empty at the end.

Saturday night I went out with "MsMoHoney" for her birthday dinner. "MrBigDaddy" was sick, so I decided to go on ahead to the dinner. There was only for of us total. Her friends were very nice, but I felt so out of place. They are her co-workers so all the three of them did was talk about work stuff. Stuff that I had no clue about and couldnt contribute to the conversation. It was like being on the outside looking in.

So I felt bad because when we all got back to the house, I retreated to my room for most of the night. I had a splitting headache. I felt so badly having invited "Ms2inchman" and her boyfriend, then not hanging out with them. But I could barely keep my eyes open.

When I woke up today, I felt so much better. "MrBigDaddy" and I went out shopping and grabbed some lunch. It was so nice to have someone drive me somewhere for a change. Not only that, he is such a gentleman and opened the car door for me.

While we were out, I bought some more DVD's. One of them was Someone Like You. I was suprised that he actually liked it. We were talking about the whole "New Cow" theory. Thankfully, he doesnt agree with it. The theory is that once a guy has been with a woman, she becomes "Old Cow" and is no longer desirable by the "Bull".

He was telling me how so many guys cant stay with just one person and be faithful to just one person. But he cant be like that. That he wants to only be with one person. That "Old Cow" is the best and what he prefers.

I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with this relationship. I still have some slight trust issues, that is something that will probably linger around for a while. Some times are better than others.

Like today for instance, he was showing me his cell phone. He was going over his calendar events and he was saying how he only has one event in there...some bartender girl's birthday in June. No, not your own girlfriend's birthday...nope, some bartender's birthday.

And he could tell I was upset about it. He asked me if he was allowed to have friends. Of course he can have friends. That isnt the problem here. And maybe its my own insecurities that are the problem. I just think that if you know someone has trust issues with you, you ought to be better off not irritating matters worse.

And I hate when the night comes and he leaves to go off to work. I think I have said it many, many times already. Because there is a part of me that feels left behind every time. Even though it's not like that, I cant help but feel it.

But for the most part things are going really well...finally. I think we both learned alot this time around and didnt have so many things holding us back.

I am still keeping my fingers crossed though.