I take--2 steps forward, I take--2 steps back
Written at 10:13 a.m. on Monday, Mar. 10, 2003
I get so furious with him sometimes. Then I look back and wonder if I even had a right to be mad.
I cant sleep all day. Its just not in my nature. I wake up and am up for the day. I understand that he works very hard and sleeps during the day. BUT, there is no excuse for sleeping from 7 am til 5 pm. That's 10 hours!
And what was worse was I took a Vicodin and slept a couple of hours with him. So here I am thinking that we will be up most of the night together. I dont know about "WE", but I was up. I was up until close to 3 am. Just tossing and turning. It was horrible.
Then at 7 am when my alarm went off, I got into the shower. When I came out, there he was watching tv all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I guess 18 hours of sleep will do that to a person.
So we went through the whole "Are you still mad at me" bit. Here's where I am going to get a little too personal, but then again I always do. I told him that I wasnt mad, but could he please explain to me why I havent had sex in a week and a half. His excuse..."Arent you on your period"? Ummm...NO! And that's never stopped him before anyway. (See, I warned you...too much information)
I told him maybe he should have asked me instead of taking it upon himself to assume that. I think he's mad. I think he doesnt believe me. See, last night he was looking for a lighter. And he couldnt find one. He went digging through all kinds of drawers to find one. All of the sudden I heard, "What the hell is this? Oh, this is nice".
He came across a condom wrapper. I told him it had to be old. I never go into that drawer. He swears that it wasnt there before. He asked if I was cheating on him and I said no. Because I am not. But I did tell him due to his lack thereof, I probably should. That only pissed him off more.
I think he believes me. He says he does, but I dont know. I asked him why would I bring someone here, to OUR home, where he could come home any minute. His response..."Guess you'll be going to his place from now on". He says he was kidding, but I dont think he was.