UGH! This has got to have been the longest day in my life. I dont know why, but I have just had this UCKY feeling all day long.
After work, I came home for a bit. "MsTornado" came over and we went for a walk near my house. It was nice, we havent spent that much time together lately. So, she managed to get me to call "MrSkinSoSoft" to inquire about his roommate, "MrBusyBody". I dont know why I called, but I did. He said he had just left "Cheers" but was getting ready to go back. So "MsTornado" and I decided to go. He was already there when I got there but I didnt look over in his direction. I just pretended not to see him for the first hour I was there.
So later on he came up and said hi. I was just so not feeling this place tonight. I dont know why I came. I should have just stayed home tonight. (Boy, if I had a penny for every time I have said that!) So "MsAngelic" and I headed out about 11:15. That is the earliest I have left in a long time. It just seemed that everyone was in a pretty weird mood tonight...some way too happy, some way too sad, some just plain old drunk.
I had so many emotions tonight as I sat there. I dont know what is going on with me lately. I have just felt so broken down these days. I barely remember what its like to be happy. And me saying this really has little to nothing to do with "MrSkinSoSoft", its more like a compilation of so many different things. I keep thinking about that movie, Sliding Doors, and how different my life would be right now if I had chosen different paths in my life. What would my life be now if I had stayed in Baltimore? What if I had moved to Washington? What about if I had stayed in a loveless relationship with "MrApronStrings"? Its all so overwhelming sometimes to just think about.
I have been thinking alot lately about how I have been feeling and I dont like it. I have been high way too much lately. I have been drinking way more than I should. Its sad that I have been going to the bar with the pure intention of getting drunk, that scares me. I used to go for fun, to see my friends and just plain hang out but its not been the case lately. I really dont want to be dependent on a little pink pill for the rest of my life so I had stopped taking it a while back. I am scared to start taking it again but I am more scared not to.
SOMEONE THROW ME A LIFELINE!