Today started off wierd. First, I received a 4 am (7 am her time) call from my mother who said she just wanted to hear my voice. I dont know what to say or do to make any of this easier for her. I am constantly pondering in my head the right thing to do. Right now, I just dont know what that is.
So after I got off the phone with her, I heard this faint little meow coming from my patio. After I crossed my fingers that it wasnt another little stray hoping to find a home here, I pulled back my blinds to find Kayla, happy as can be, on my patio. How the hell did she get out there? That was freaky. It took some effort but I managed to wrangle her back into her room.
I managed to go back to sleep for another 3 hours, which felt more like 3 minutes. Today I went back to work. Most people say that a week vacation leaves them feeling refreshed and ready to go back to work...for me, it only left me wanting another week off. I came back to a week worth of faxes and voicemails. I was so ready to go home before I even got there.
"MrCostanza" called me around 9:30 to find out when he can come drop his boxes off. I just told him "whenever". so he showed up at 11:30 with "MrBunches". I figured out today what it is that I am so afraid of. I am afraid I will somewhere someday and I will hear his favorite song and completely break down. I am afraid that he will forget about me. I am afraid that someone else will come along and he wont even remember my name. That one day in a passing conversation someone will mention my name and he will say "who?". He will be out of my life in less than 3 weeks and all I will have then is the occasional email or instant message online until I slowly fade to black and become a hazy memory to him. All this scares me. Maybe he is right- I need a hobby.
So I came straight home from work...did not pass go, did not collect $200. I tried to take a nap but all I could do it stare at this spider who has been habitating on my ceiling for about a week now. He is too far up there for my to catch and unless he is going to propel down from the ceiling looking like Toby McGuire, Charlotte must go build his web somewhere else.
I have entirely way too much time on my hands today.