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I just cant get you outta my head
Written at on Tuesday, Jul. 09, 2002

Ugh! Is it really only Tuesday? Someone please lie to me and tell me it aint so. I have had this hollow feeling all day. I am afraid that my carelessness is going to cost me...considerably. Those of you that REALLY know me, know what that means.

Work went by so slow today.

I had a few run-ins with "MsMenopause" today. She keeps asking me how my treatments are going and how I am feeling. It is very nice of her to ask, but I feel like she is only asking me as to make sure it's not interfering with my work not because she really cares. I am so sick and tired of thinking about it all the time. I dont want to think about it at all. I want to blink my eyes and be completely happy and healthy again. I dont want to feel so broken and defective all the time. I am starting to see what my father went through with this...and it makes me feel guilty and sad, but most of all it makes me miss him.

"MrCostanza" came to my work around 1. He met both of my aunts. We went and sat at the tables in the shopping center near my work and just talked. It was really nice. It wasnt anything of importance, just talk. When I got back, my aunt told me how nice she thought he was and how much she liked him. I told her not to go setting an extra placemat at Thanksgiving dinner, he wont be around much longer. Do you think it would be too extreme if I threw myself on the hood of his car and pleaded with him not to leave? Yeah, I thought so too. It pictured nicely in my head until he ran me over as he hauled ass to the courthouse to file a restraining order on me. I still want to throw myself on the hood of his car and plead with him not to leave. Am I pathetic or what?

So I came home from work and spent some time with "MsMoHoney". Part of me wants to go out, yet another part wants to stay home and get some sleep. The biggest part want to call "MrCostanza" and tell him to get his ass over here. Yikes! I really think I should sleep...maybe I will wake up tomorrow in a world called REALITY!

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