Well, to bring you up to speed...I did get a long email back from "MrCuriousGeorge". He said he loves me and wants me to move back home so we can be together forever. Isnt that nice? What, you dont believe me? Good! Because what he really said was "Could we someday be more than friends? Perhaps!?!? I dont want to say yes or no". (recognition to "MsMoHoney") It wasnt good or bad, it was...indifferent.
So, I came home armed with 12 pack in hand, a fresh pack of cigarettes and an agenda. My agenda was to wash the day away the good ol' fashioned way...with alcohol. Did it work? No, not really. I ended up passing out on my bed about, shamefully, 4 drinks later. I woke up at 4 am to find my computer, tv and every light in my room still on.
I would love to say that I intentionally avoided the internet all night, but the truth is I passed out and didnt really have a choice. But the truth still is...that if I would have been awake and coherent, I still wouldnt have gone online. Why? Because I wouldnt know what to say to him. I think all that needed to be said has been said.
There was one thing in particular he wrote in his email that made me stop and think for a second. Usually, when one of my "relationships" end, afterwards I am left feeling as if I wasted my time and I shouldnt have cared for that person so much. There was that one part of his email that made me glad that I had loved him the way I did and I knew I didnt have to feel bad this time...that I hadnt loved him futilely. And I am happy because of that. Because it all wasnt entirely a waste. Sure, it didnt work out the way I wanted it to...but we have both walked away a bit different because of each other. And that puts a smile on my face.
There really is lessons to be learned in everything. I have definitely had a learning experience here and feel more enlightened than I did...even before I started this entry.