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Come back to me, I'm begging you please
Written at 5:05 p.m. on Sunday, Jul. 28, 2002

If you happened to hear a loud thud followed by a shaking feeling this time...dont be alarmed, it was just the sound of my heart breaking into a million, zillion pieces.

Well, the day has finally come. I knew that it would. I just didnt think it would come so fast. "MrCuriousGeorge" called me and came over for a little bit. At first, I thought I could handle it. No long after, I realized that I couldnt. It took all I had not to cry during sex. It different when you are making love to someone, knowing that you are making love to someone for the last time. It was incredibly hard. I could have layed there forever in his arms. He asked me again if I was moving back east. I told him I was. He kinda made this "yippee" sound, but when I asked him what he said he said "nothing". Maybe the "yippee" was all in my head.

When it was time to go, we stood outside of my apartment building hugging for the longest time. I wanted to cry in his arms. I wanted to yell and scream. I wanted to tell him how much him coming into my life meant to me...and how much his leaving is killing me. He kept patting my back as we hugged in an almost "it will be okay, Tracey, I promise" kinda way. He told me that I better keep in touch with him. He asked me if I had gotten upset with anyone else leaving, he used "MrGIjoe" as an example. I told him no, I knew "MrGIjoe" was coming back. He hugged me again and kept telling me that if I move back I will only be an hour away from him. I didnt want to let go. He said he would try to come back tonight if he had enough time after he packed. I told him please, even if its for only five minutes. I am not holding my breath.

We both got in our cars to drive away. I broke down the second I got into the car. I was behind him for a few lights. I was hoping and praying that he didnt see me crying. So at that last light where he was going straight and I was turning left, he looked over and waved goodbye. I wanted to reach out the window, grab his hand and tell him that he had to stay. But I didnt. I just watched him drive away and thought to myself...HE'S GONE!

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