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Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows...only time
Written at 2:43 p.m. on Friday, Aug. 09, 2002

It feels about a million degrees here today. It is so hot. I just got back in from having lunch with my aunt. It was really nice.

She said something interesting to me as we were eating. We were talking about finding and choosing the right path in our own lives. I dont recall exactly how it was brought up but she told me that she worries about me, being as I have worked here for 8 years and have no plans to do anything else. She said she was afraid that I would never sprout wings and fly. And here I thought I was the only one who noticed that. I have no clue as to what I want to do with my life. I wish there was a little man who would stand there and say "pssst, take this road...you will get there faster". I just dont have any idea what I am supposed to be doing.

I used to have this theory, that when you experience deja vu it was the universe's way of telling you that you are on the right path that was coursed out for you. I do beleive that we are of free will and can choose our direction in life, but essentially there are already outcomes waiting for us and its the choices that we make that determine whether we zig zag to get there or follow the straight line. I just havent figured out how to tell if you are zig zagging or on the straight line. I feel so off course most of the time.

Then she and I started talking about traveling and moving to new places. It was kinda strange because she told me that not all risks come out bad, some are positive. It's really strange that she would say all this being as she has no idea that I have been contemplating anything. Where was all of this coming from? Its funny the things that people see in us that we dont think they do. Some people are just more perceptive than others. I guess I just walk around with blinders on and dont see anything...even things that are right in front of my face. The things that limit you often make you blind and do not allow you to see yourself.

So our lunch pretty much continued on like that. It got me thinking about long term goals and what I am going to do with my life. I just dont know...where is that little man with the air traffic controller lights when you need him?

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