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And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
Written at 7:29 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 21, 2002

Boy, its true that when it rains, it pours. But hey, I am not complaining.

Something surprising happened to me today at work. I was all alone in my office working on some papers when I thought I heard a tapping noise. I wasnt sure where it was coming from so I stood up and looked around. I was astonished to see it was "MrBialamos". I think I may have mentioned him before in that "recapping the men in my life" entry. Anyway, I looked up and saw he was tapping on the door to my office. So I walked over there to open the door and let him in. Apparently, he has just moved back here after spending some time living in Oregon. I wasnt even going to touch that subject.

So we stood there for a while talking, catching up. It was really nice. I asked him what made him come here. He said that he was thinking about me the other day and wanted to see if I still worked here because he didnt have my number or any other way to get in touch with me. So we exchanged numbers again. He kept asking me if I was seeing someone so I just told him that there was someone but he moved back east...and I left it at that. Is he thinking in any way that we can make a second go at this. I really hope not. I dont mean that to be mean or anything but he was really mean the first time. He even said to me before he left that he was so sorry he had been so mean to me. Apology accepted but that doesnt mean that I have forgotten about it. He was real wishy-washy before. Clinging, then pushing away, clinging, then pushing away. Used to give me headaches.

I dont generally agree that people ever really change, because I dont think they do. Its a nice thought and I wish people did, but they dont. They may change little things, but the foundation of it all remains the same. But who knows...maybe he has done some maturing since I saw him last. It was about a year ago that I saw him last. I was having lunch with "MrBigDaddy" near work and he walked up to our table and said hello to me. At that time "MrBigDaddy" and I were together. So it was kinda awkward.

So who knows. I am just going to be his friend and see where it goes from there. I will definitely proceed with caution. No wonder I have serious trust issues. But he just looked so good today and for the love of gawd...he has a body like an Adonis. So we'll see.

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