All I can say is that I am damn glad this day is over. Its after midnight and I am going to curl up in my nice warm bed and sleep. Anyone want to join me...my bed is big enough to fit 3 or 4. It could be fun.
I went into work a little later than usual today. It was around 10. I spent that earlier part of the day actually kind of anxious and excited about starting my treatment today. Notice I said the earlier part.
As the day progressed, the reality of it set in. I know you are probably thinking I am the world's biggest baby and that its only a little shot. You could be right. I have always been petrified of them. I dont know why, I have never had a bad experience with them or anything.
So after work, I had to go to this medical supply store to get one of those thick containers that you dispose of needles in. First of all, this place was in old timer's Seizure World. Luckily it was 6:00 and all of the old people were already at home in bed. I walked into this place and it had this horrible sterile, musty smell. I wanted to pass out in aisle 4. It was so bad. Then the lady couldnt find the containers and it took asking 3 other employees to finally find it. I just wanted to go home and pretend none of this was happening. I feel bad because I must have cursed my father a million times tonight for passing me this horrible gene.
The nurse showed up at 7:00 exactly. I would love to say I was happy to see her, but I surely wasnt. It took all I had to get through the hour or so she was here. First, she felt compelled to teach me how to do it myself. After explaining over and over again how I can not and will not be doing it myself, therefore teaching me would be a waste of time, she kept on nagging about it until I gave in. So I got to practice on a tomato. What a thrill that was. NOT! I didnt even want to hold the needle. I think this was the part where I broke down crying while saying that I cant do this. I feel so removed, not in control of anything. If I was crying while injecting a tomato, what was to happen when it came time to do it into me?
I couldnt look while "MsMoHoney" injected it. If I had, I think I would have passed out. I am so not good with things like that. I dont even like going to the hospital to visit people. All the sounds and smells...makes me queezy. I think I can relate that to something though. I remember my senior year of high school two good friends of mine (brothers) were in a car accident. One of them was in intensive care, so a few of us went to see him. We were the ones that had to tell him that his brother didnt make it, since they had been on opposite sides of the hospital. Actually, I think his brother had died on impact. Well, the point of the story was, as we were walking through the intensive care unit, there were people there barely clinging to life. The things I saw were bad. So I try not to go to the hospital now unless deemed absolutely necessary. And the smells in this store reminded me so much of a hospital's smell.
But tonight was so much better than I thought it would be. I really thought it was going to be more painful than it was. I am not sure exactly what I thought it was going to be like. But "MsMoHoney" was very patient and gentle with me. She even made me dinner afterwards...lasagna. I cant tell you enough how great my friends are. So we spent the rest of the night in my room talking and working on her website. It was very relaxing.
"MrBialamos" called twice tonight. I told him that I was just too tired to hang out with him tonight and that I was already in my pajamas. I just wasnt up for it. So we are going to get together tomorrow. He keeps mentioning me going to church with him. I dont know about that. First, I am not completely sure I wont spontaneously combust upon walking into a church. Second, what exactly is up with that? Why is he pushing things? I am confused. He even called me again later on just because he wanted to talk to me. I am in a way flattered, yet slightly concerned where all of this is coming from. Where is this coming from???