Oh I am so glad that today is friday. So glad this week is over with.
So I have taken an inventory of my life today. Ya know, I have been feeling so much better lately. I am no longer that crying, blubbery, mess of a person. I dont know if its because I really feel better or because the anti-depressants have numbed me into not feeling anything. Either way, I feel good and that is all that matters.
So as far as my inventory today. It was pretty interesting to say the least. I have always been the kind of person that could easily make friends. I used to collect them like dolls. I look around at the people that are in my life now, and it may look like there are alot of them, but really there are only 5 really good friends in my life. The rest are just...acquaintances. And I have now realized that I would rather have 5 really good friends than a dozen acquaintances. And I wouldnt trade those 5 people for anything. I am really tired of the conditional, fair-weathered friends who quickly pass in and out of my life.
This past week has brought alot of thinking and analyzing (and we all know that I am good at that). I really want to start getting my life in order. I look at where I am right now, and its so far off from where I want to be. And only I can change that. I am working on it. I look at people like "MrCuriousGeorge" who always said he was going to leave here and go back east to finish school. But like everyone else I know, I didnt beleive him. So he did. And he told me constantly in the process for me to stop talking about change and JUST DO IT! I think he drilled it into my head a few too many times.
I talked to him tonight for a little while. Things are going well for him out there. He got the cd's I sent, but hasnt listenend to them yet. That's fine, I dont really care.
I think I am starting to relaspe and that bothers me. I went with "MsMoHoney" to the Spectrum after work and as we walked around I could feel my leg was a little numb. I couldnt feel my clothes against my skin. I really hate that feeling, because I know that usually means that its about to get worse. Which it has...now my hands are more numb than they usually are. I really hate this. I hate not being in control of my own body. I hope this treatment works, but it would be so much better if they just came out with a cure for it. But I dont forsee that happening anytime soon. So until then, there is nothing I really can do.
So, I have plans with "MrBialamos" tonight. I think I am going to back out on him again tonight. I really just want to stay home and sleep. I want to just crawl into bed and watch movies and not have to worry about meeting up with him tonight. I mean, after all we do have plans tomorrow and sunday...and who know, maybe even monday. I stopped keeping track. I mean, dont get me wrong...he is very nice and I do enjoy spending time with him...and here comes the BUT...but, I dont see why all of the sudden he has come back into my life from out of no where. I am still puzzled by that one. It cant just be my charming personality. What is it he wants from me?