I love my friends, without them I probably couldnt survive...but sometimes having such an intertwined group of friends isnt a good thing.
It still sometimes hurts a little bit to hear someone bring up "MrCuriousGeorge" in a conversation. Its hard enough when I have to hear from him how good things are going there and how well he is doing. But sometimes its worse when I have to hear it from other friends...OUR neutral/mutual friends. Because he will tone down the things he says and weed out the things he knows will get to me. They dont. And that isnt their fault at all. Its mine, no one else's. I mean, really, half of our friends didnt even find out about us until almost a year after it had started.
Its kinda like he has moved on, but his ghost stayed behind, to haunt me. Or maybe the word the suits it better is taunt. I have been trying to play this "out of sight, out of mind" thing. But its hard when other people bring him up and its not so out of mind anymore. I dont want to think about him. I dont want to hear about him. I dont even want to hear his name. Its something that I have to work out and get over, not my friends. I just wish that not so many people knew him.
I have always said that I wouldnt trade the time I spent with him for anything, but sometimes I want to retract that statement. I keep thinking about how a friend once said that its easier sometimes to distance yourself from people emotionally when the inevitable physical distance will be happening. I wish I had done that sometimes. I wish I hadnt allowed myself to get so close to him once I knew he would be leaving. I kept taking every second I could get with him, instead of just letting him go when I found out he would be leaving. That would have been easier. Although, I do still cherish the times we spent together. It just hurts still missing him two months later. And it doesnt really hurt until someone brings him up and I have to think about him all over again.
People shouldnt leave their ghosts behind, they should take them with them. It hurts too much to chase a ghost with worthless hope. Chasing something you know you will never have.