I love saturdays...all the things I am supposed to get done, none of which actually get done.
I woke up this morning with every intention of going to "MsBoobsalot"'s house...I just never quite made it. I called and left her a message on her cell phone. The phone call I received from her around eleven inquiring as to where I was and why didnt I show up, leads me to beleive she didnt get it.
I just had a million things to get done this morning and pumpkin carving wasnt high up on that list. Most of why I didnt go is because I waited around to see if the maintenance people were coming to fix the water heater today. Also, I had to take "MsMoHoney"'s movie rentals back, hit the gym, the bank and some other fun places. The pumpkin carving part sounded fun.
The Blockbuster I had to go to is across the street from where "MrCuriousGeorge" used to live. So he briefly popped into my head...briefly. I look back on that whole thing and feel stupid. Its funny that when we are in the middle of something that hurts us or is a very trying time, we always think its the end of the world and things will never get better. But looking back, I now wonder how I could have possibly thought that. I thought that him leaving and moving to the east coast was going to tear me apart, but it didnt. I am still standing. There was a life before him and there will be a life after him.
I have been thinking alot today about something "MsMoHoney" said to me last night during our "philosphical" moment. I had made a comment about how I just dont know what is wrong with me. It was more like a "damn, how could I have done that, what is wrong with me" kind of question. I wasnt looking for the clinical diagnosis or anything. But she told me that I often say things I dont mean to people, good and bad, as to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. I pondered over it for some time and all I can come up with is...how can that be something that is wrong with me? I mean I see the bad part of it, saying something bad that you dont mean. We all do that now and then, some more than others. But I dont think there is anything wrong with saying something good to someone that you dont mean. If I can say something I dont mean and make someone happy, then what is wrong with that?
I am a huge "white lie friend". "Ms2inchman" is always saying how she is the friend that tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. OH MY GOD, I just realized that I am the friend that tells you what you want to hear.
So I woke up with this big plan to disect myself. Not literally, that would hurt...and just be plain stupid. I meant pick myself apart mentally and reconstruct what there is left to salvage. I want to take all the good things, get rid of all the bad, and get things back in order. "Things" being my life. I want to be a better friend, a better person.
There was also something that she said in the car which got me thinking about me being self-consumed. It wasnt said directly towards me, more like a joke. But I do realize that I do that sometimes. That I often get so involved with what is going on in my life, that I dont see what is happening to the people around me. Or that I dont fully listen to them when they speak. I do that alot. I have a tendency to listen to people if I think that there is any way that I can turn the conversation back onto myself. When did this happen? I dont recall always being like this. Just recently. But those that really know me would probably say that I have been like that for as long as they have known me.
So today I have come to the realization that I am liar and am self-consumed. Also I am a procrastinator...but that is not something I just learned about myself. I always knew that. I have so much stuff that I keep putting off until tomorrow.
But what my friends dont realize is, that I may be a self-consumed, procrastinating liar...but despite all that, I love them all dearly. They all mean the world to me. There would be no me without them. They are the glue that holds me together. They really have bailed me out of bad times more often that I can count.
So I have every intention of keeping my date tonight with "Ms2inchman". I just hope whatever happens, she doesnt try to drag me to the bad "Cheers". I want a place where everyone DOESNT know my name...or where I live...or this...or that. I wouldnt mind going to the good "Cheers" though...HINT HINT!
"MrMusicMan" was going to come down today. I think he still is. I talked to him a couple of hours ago and he was still planning on it. So we'll see what happens there. Of course, he is stopping off somewhere along the way to handle some business. We were up talking on the phone until after 3 am this morning. That was another reason I never made it to "MsBoobsalot"'s. Hmmm, go ahead and add flaky to that list. DAMN IT!