I've been thinking this morning about something "MsMoHoney" said to me a while ago..."You tend to say things you dont mean, good and bad". I have come to the realization that that's true. Only with one small addition...I tend not to say things I mean as well.
I have always thought it easier to bite my tongue rather than start some big argument that is only going to lead to a lot of hurt feelings and words that are later regretted. I bite my tongue alot.
See, the thing with "MsBrightEyes" is that she does the same thing too. She is so afraid of hurting someone's feelings too that she doesnt say things that she should. Prime example...One night she had called and we made plans to go to "Cheers. She said she would meet me there in thirty minutes. About an hour later, I got a call from "Pitcherboy" asking if I had talked to her because she was supposed to pick him up thirty minutes ago. She had made plans with both of us...and then stood us both up. She seperately denied to both of us that she had made plans with the other. Which she later retracted her lie and admitted she got herself in a pickle with making two sets of plans and didnt want to hurt either one of our feelings. So standing us both up made us feel better?
My friendship with her has been very tumultuous. We go out and have fun, then all of the sudden she does something that upsets me. And instead of talking to her and working it out, I just shy away from the friendship. And months later I will run into and we kinda pretend that nothing ever happened and that everything is ok. Meanwhile, the real problem is never addressed...just swept under the carpet.
Which I am sure that is what happened last night. She had every intention of going to the gym with me, but then "MsEnigma" probably came along and asked her to go to "Cheers". And she thought rather than calling me and explaining to me that she would rather go to "Cheers" than the gym, it would be easier for her to just flake. Which if she had been smart, she would have just flaked and I would have thought she was tired and went to bed. But no, she called me and told me she was going to "Cheers".
And it really isnt the point that she didnt show up or call (three times). Its the point that she is never up front about things. She never stands up and tells people no when she doesnt want to do something. She doesnt understand I would have been sufficient with a "No, Tracey, actually I am not in the mood for the gym tonight". I would appreciate that alot more than "Sure, we can go in a half and hour" and then she never calls back. See the difference between her and I is that even if I didnt want to go, after I tell someone that I am doing something...I do it!
Maybe I should stop holding things in and saying things I dont mean. That's not to say that I think people should go around thoughtlessly saying everything that is on their mind. But, they should certainly address the big issues.