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I'm underwater, I'm drowning again
Written at 2:58 p.m. on Thursday, Nov. 21, 2002

I almost forgot...along with thunder and lightening comes rain.

Well today's rain was a phone call...yes, I said it...a phone call from "MrCuriousGeorge". I was sitting here at work and I heard my cell phone vibrating in my desk. I thought for sure it was going to be "MrLightening" but when I pulled it out of the desk it said "MrCuriousGeorge".

Just to hear his voice gave me the chills. It's been while since we actually talked. The internet doesnt count. He was calling to get the dates that I am going to be out there. I have already told him a million times already. It was really good to hear his voice.

A little while after that, "MrLightening" did call me. We are going to sit down tonight and have a long about things. I no longer feel as if I am being pushed by him...I feel like I have been drained of any life force and are being dragged along.

He calls me and tells me that got a job offer today, but he doesnt know if he wants to take it. One the plus side, he would make a lot more than he does now. On the down side, his hours would be from 3-midnight. He said he doesnt want to take it until we sit down and talk about it. What is there to talk about? He said it would make up two ships passing in the night...literally. I dont want him to pass up a job because of me.

I just dont understand how he can be so attached in this short amount of time. He says he knows he loves me, he knows he wants to marry me, he knows he wants to grow old with me. HOW? He doesnt even know me.

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