I am ___ years old...and I am contemplating running away from home. Please dont put my picture on a milk carton as I dont particularly care to be found.
If you asked me ten years ago what I would be doing and where I would be in ten years...it so wouldnt be this and it wouldnt be here.
I used to have dreams. I mean, I still do and all, but I dont dream like I did back then. It's different when you are in high school...the sky is the limit. I guess when you are in your mid 20's...you start seeing the limits.
I just feel so trapped sometimes in this mondane existance that I call...my life. I am so tired of getting up every day and doing the same damn thing day in and day out.
It is true...be careful what you wish for, because it just may come true. Months back I was begging for my life to change in some direction...any direction. Now that it has, I fear I still may not be happy. What is wrong with me?
I have a boyfriend....and oh, what a boyfriend he is (pssshhht!). The honeymoon period is definitely over here. And I hate that feeling...knowing that you have settled into what is comfortable and left behind the times when you bit your tongue because you didnt want to hurt feelings or had that flushed feeling just thinking that you are going to see that person soon.
Fight or flight? Inside, I am already gone. I have already left it all behind me and have moved on. He just doesnt know it. How can I build a futur on tomorrow's ground when today's ground is so unsturdy?
I dont have the physical or mental energy to fight anymore. I spent 6 yrs in an unhealthy relationship with hopes that tomorrow everything will be different, but nothing ever changed. I dont think I have it in me to go through that again. There's no fight left.
I am stronger than this, I know it. I deserve so much more than this, I know that too. I dont want to tiptoe around my words forever. And it seems that no matter what I say, it produces some big argument. I owe myself more than this.
Last night was the last straw. I am not doing it again. Last night was so bad that if you live within a five mile radius of my apartment...you probably heard it. I had to take a midnight walk around the complex just to breathe for a second.
When I said that I want things back to the way that they were in the beginning when everything was great...all he could say was "That isnt the way life is, this isnt a fairytale". To which I said "It can be if you make it". He doesnt understand that it's too damn early in the relationship for things to be this bad already.
I just dont see any other option other than just simply walking away.