Oh why, oh why do I continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Why is it that I can never seem to learn from my mistakes? Can I really be that retarded?
After work, I went with "MrBigDaddy" to have a few drinks at King's. "Ms2inchman" showed up and hung out with us for about a half an hour. Those two actually played nicely in the sandbox together. I didnt have to give anyone a time out or anything. This babysitting job is getting easier every day. So, we ran into "MrCostanza" who happened to be working tonight. He came over and said hi and talked to us for a while. This is where my night when downhill from here.
I got home, got online and checked my email...he was already at home online and sent me an instant message. He was being his fiesty, usual self. "MsMoHoney" thought it would be fun to antagonize him and tease him a little. So I did! Big mistake!!! He ended up coming over and playing cards with us. After everyone she went to bed, we proceeded to go into my room and well, ya know! I dont think I have to spell it out for you or anything. I think I am severely brain damaged. Is there medication for my condition because I think I need something. I should not have let it get as far as it did.
The worst part, and hopefully he didnt see me, was that I started to cry during it. It wasnt like a sloppy, sobbing cry but just a teary eyed slow trickly. I dont know why. Yes I do. I think it was because I didnt really want to be with him, I really wanted to be with "MrSkinSoSoft". I am started to see just how pathetic I really am. I tried to close my eyes and pretend it wasnt him, but I couldnt. I couldnt wait for it to be over. Not because it was bad or anything, but because I wanted it to be someone else. It should have been "MrSkinSoSoft" there with me tonight. Why wasnt it him? He talks a good game when we are togtther but he never backs those words up with actions. I just need to open my eyes and see what is so evident...or what should be so evident.
So, afterwards "MrConstanza" was ready to go again and I was ready to roll over and go to sleep. I was not up for an eight hour romp and I had to work tomorrow. I could tell he was irritated. He tried to sleep, I tried to sleep but it just wasnt working. He kept trying to get the ball rolling while I was sleeping. Ummm, NO MEANS NO! So he said he wouldnt be able to sleep and he decided to go home. Well, about f'ing time! Dont let the door hit ya! Bye, bye, bye! Adios!
So thankfully, after that I was able to roll over and go back to the peaceful sleep I had been trying to achive all along. Ahhh, the silence...the serenity.