I am starting to feel alot better. Not before scaring my mother to death first thing in the morning.
I got up this morning a little earlier than I normally do. I sat up and talked to "MrBigDaddy" for a while. Just like every morning, I get up early enough to get everything done, yet I still run out the door late. So I gave him a kiss goodbye and headed out the door. Just as I was closing it, I looked back at him and he blew me a kiss.
And I cant tell what happened after that. I got out into the car...and broke down crying. And I couldnt stop. It had nothing to do with him at all. I had just hit my breaking point and everything that has been piling up on me finally consumed me I guess.
Where it got really bad was when I just had this need to talk to my mother. I wanted to hear her voice. I called her at work, but she was away from her office so I got her voicemail. I thought I could pull myself together long enough to leave a half-decent message for her, but when it came time to talk I broke down. I started crying uncontrolably on her voicemail. I can only imagine how it sounded or how much it freaked her out when she heard it.
She called me on my cell phone about 20 minutes later. By this time I was alot more calm and apologizing profusely for the frantic message I left her. We ended up talking for a little bit and I felt so much better afterwards. Its true...Ma has cure for everything.
I came home after work and found "MrBigDaddy" wide awake and everything clean. He cleaned the bathroom and did the laundry...wow, I couldnt believe it. He is such a different person now than he was a year ago. Such an improvement. Its so nice to take care of someone and have them take care of you back.
So we ordered a pizza and spent some time together until he had to leave for work. It always seems like those four hours just fly by. He has this way of making me laugh so much that I completely forget about being sad. It really helps alot.